first of all, last week did not go by nearly as fast at the previous one....but i had a GREAT weekend, so it makes up for it. I LOVE MY HUSBAND! he's the best! things have been going really well, and i feel like we've got a lot of our shit on track...that makes me feel a lot better and less anxious about stuff.
now, for the results.....official weight was 201.6 lbs.
so, great news, i lost just over 12 lbs since March 20th (5 weeks). so that's about 2.4 lbs a week - not too shabby.
but, there's bad news too....i don't think i won the challenge. if it were based on total weight lost, i def think i won. but instead, its based on total fat percentage lost, plus % gained of lean mass. why didn't i win that? well, its because of the approx 12 lbs, about 6 of it was fat mass lost and about 6 of it was lean mass lost. so, ultimately, since i basically lost the same amount of each, my fat mass % stayed about the same, and my lean mass % dropped = not good #s to win the challenge.
am i upset? well, depends what we're talking about. if it's that i didn't win the challenge - no, i'm not upset. if its that i feel like i've busted my ass and done everything i was told to do (to very specific measures, mind you) and ended up not having the % results i expected - then, yes, i am upset. but me being upset about that is not necessarily because of the #s - well, it is in a way, but not really....let me explain.
this whole baby thing. i've been kinda worked up about it lately. maybe i'm getting a little impatient, but part of me thinks i have reason to be. i have done everything that's been asked of me - i've busted my ass to lose weight so that the baby and i can both be healthy during and after pregnancy, i've changed my eating habits in order to maintain and help the weight loss that i've worked so hard for, i've changed my meds to make sure to be on one that has as little effect as possible on a baby, i've continued to push through work in order to maintain my job even though i hate it with a passion more times than not, i've struggled through ups and downs to stabilize my life and prepare for anything that could possibly happen, i've finally figured out a schedule that works for me and helps me maintain a good balance mentally and physically, i've stood up for myself at work in order to keep some sanity (which could be thrown off soon - a whole other story to that), i've just done everything that i can possibly do to prepare for this. so, it gets a little frustrating knowing that there are so many people having babies - whether they should or not - and they seem to be just fine and are able to figure things out regardless what the situation is, and regardless if it was planned or not. i'm tired of all the preparing for it, i just want it to happen now. if all these other people can make it work, then we can too! of course, i understand there are people who really shouldn't have kids because they don't know what they're doing or don't have the finances for it - but they do anyhow and they find a way to make it work (and i'm pretty sure its safe to say that nick and i are plenty capable of having a child if they can do it). so that's how i feel. i'm confident that nick and i are going to be very capable parents, i just get frustrated that we have to prepare for so much. i know its the responsible thing to do, but there's got to be a point where you draw the line and accept that things aren't going to be "perfect".
so, last week nick and i had a discussion about this whole baby thing again. i had gotten a little upset and flustered because of a few things. one being that i found out about another person who is going to have a baby - someone who is a complete asshole and compulsive liar. good for him that he's having one, because it's one of the best things that could happen in your life - but damnit, if he can figure out what to do to handle it, I CAN TOO! the other thing being - *potentially a TMI moment* - i all of a sudden have been having very random issues with my cycle. severe cramps on the last couple i had (which i usually don't have many cramps at all) and alot heavier and longer (they are usually light and short). then, i ended up having a random period 2 weeks into a new set of pills - NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE IN MY LIFE. if i've been on the pill, i always have regular cycles. if i haven't been on the pill, my cycles were always longer than normal - about 1.5 months apart. NEVER have i had numerous periods in less than a month! so i got a little wierded out by that and went to the doctor. basically, long story short on the doc visit and tests - it was most likely because of the pill. blood tests were fine, sonogram was fine. she suggested i see what the next month was like, and if it was still abnormal, then we would switch brands.
so those couple of things lead to "the talk" again. of course, nick didn't really want to talk about it - annoying to me because it's just something that HAS to be talked about. well, the first effort didn't get far at all. then he went camping with some of his friends - which during this trip he was hounded about having a kid by our good friend that recently found out they were expecting. so the day he got back, we had another "talk". this one actually got somewhere. now, i DID NOT bribe our friend to talk to him about it, it's something that he's hounded him about for a while. but i think that maybe something got to nick, because our friends were not really "expecting" this to happen so soon, so they hadn't really done anything to prepare for it - but ultimately its going to be serious reality in less than 9 months, so he's accepted the fact that they just have to adjust and make it work. then there was another friend of ours there that has been in the situation that him and his girlfriend had a kid pretty young and completely not ready for it at all, and now they have 2 kids and are happily married - he chimed in as well. so apparently they talked about alot of this stuff. i think this might have clicked something to really understand that things are never going to be "perfect".
so our talk that day got us to an agreement. nicks biggest concern is the health issue. knowing that we/i have done everything possible to limit any complications to myself or the baby due to health is his main concern. so he said that as long as i continue on this path and get to a healthier weight/fat percentage, then when i achieve that, we can try to have a kid.
so, i had 2 thoughts to that - 1) awesome! i'm doing so well, so i know i can get to that point! 2) wow, no pressure. everything just gets put on my shoulders - so, easier for him to give that offer than to understand what it feels like to have to work your ass off to make it happen.
but, it's something i knew i could get to, and with my bod pod being less than a week away, i knew my results were going to give me hope that i'm getting closer to that goal already.
well, after seeing the results yesterday, and knowing that the .5% fat loss was severely minimal to what was expected, my hopes were crushed that i was getting anywhere. was i losing weight, yes. was i getting to a healthier fat %, no, not really. so it was just very disheartening to see that and feel like i've done so much to get nowhere. so, that's why i was upset. i again felt that the thought of having a kid just keeps getting pushed further and further away, and i HATE the feelings that i work so hard and the goal i'm trying to reach is like a carrot on a stick.
but....there is a but....nick and i talked again. this is why i love him. he always does his best at trying to make me feel better - and it pretty much always works. but this time, it made me feel a lot better. i felt like he finally understood why i was fighting so hard, and why i was so upset that i felt like i wasn't getting anywhere. even though i know he "understood" why i started doing all of this, i think this was the first time that we had talked and i could tell that he REALLY appreciated what i was doing. i say this because he ended up saying that i don't have to be at a perfect weight/fat % for us to start trying for a kid. instead, he said that if i could give it a few more months of doing what i'm doing and making the effort i've been making, then we can start trying regardless what the numbers say. and he said he knew it would be ok because he knew that i wasn't going to just let everything go once i get pregnant. he knew that i was truely determined to live a better life, and so he feels comfortable enough to try without it all being planned and set in stone. THAT MADE ME FEEL SOOOO MUCH BETTER! not because he said we could try to have a kid soon, but because he acknowledged and appreciates the fact that i'm doing everything possible to make things better. and that he knows its not just a game to me. its a life style change that i don't regret, and wouldn't change back for the world. i feel sooo much better lately because of it. him and i get along so much better lately because i feel better. i'm happy because i'm taking care of things for me, which then reflect on other things around me. after all the tears he's seen from me being so hard on myself and setting such high expectations, he sees that i'm really putting forth the effort for us, and trusts that i'm going to continue to take the right steps and keep things better for us. and i am, i always will. i haven't felt this good in YEARS! prob since high school even.
so, after that, i was still a little upset because - as we know - i'm my toughest competitor, so i wish the results would have been better. but, i felt like the weight was lifted off my shoulders about the planning, and preparing, and reaching specific criteria, etc. i feel like now i can just do this just to do this, because its part of my life now. and everything else will just happen when it happens.
so what now? well, after talking to my trainer, i realized i need to tweak my eating a little bit in order to figure out a way to maintain my lean mass. he says that the body does what the body needs to do, so maybe the reason i lost the lean mass was because the body just didn't need it. but i have to start eating more protein and see how my body reacts - yay for protein shakes. AND, nick and i agreed i could come off the pill. that way, by the time my "system" gets back to normal in a few months, we can let life work the way its supposed to.
i'm a lucky girl, with a great husband!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
still here
don't really have a lot to say. not a bad thing, just been stayin busy.
i'm down to 203.
i've realized my entire life is about working out and losing weight now. someone asks what i've been up to and the only thing i can think of is to either talk about my workouts or the way i've changed my eating habits...so usually i just say "not much". i don't think its a bad thing that that is all i do...i actually look forward to it now - well not the food part cause i'm not the best cook and with limited ingredients it sometimes gets boring. i've realized that finally limiting ALL the things i used to do to only what is necessary has been a good balance for me.
i am still able to put my foot down about work when they try to trick me into working on a million things at once - i just get my work done within my regular work day, and that's it, i'm outta here. i finally don't feel guilty about it. i am a little worried cause i just got told last week that one of my other projects is kicking back up BIG TIME, and we have an expert report due by the end of may, so that means i will have to take a break from the bridge to go back to the main office to work. not bad because the atmosphere will be better...just worried that my regular schedule and balance will get thrown off, because i know they will constantly try to get me to work 10/11/12 hour days, but i refuse to let that happen. i already put my foot down and said that i understand they will need me to work some longer hours, but I WILL be leaving at a reasonable time in order to make sure i work out and have some down time...because if i can't maintain myself, then they won't get efficient work from me anyhow. it feels good to stand up for myself.
other than that, things have been good. staying pretty busy cause of my working out, working at my main office here and there, and then having my EMT refresher 2 nights a week.
things have been really good between me and nick. seems like we've been having a lot of fun lately, and i feel like it's partially because i've been better at letting things go and just doing what i do.
besides that, not much to say.
i'm down to 203.
i've realized my entire life is about working out and losing weight now. someone asks what i've been up to and the only thing i can think of is to either talk about my workouts or the way i've changed my eating habits...so usually i just say "not much". i don't think its a bad thing that that is all i do...i actually look forward to it now - well not the food part cause i'm not the best cook and with limited ingredients it sometimes gets boring. i've realized that finally limiting ALL the things i used to do to only what is necessary has been a good balance for me.
i am still able to put my foot down about work when they try to trick me into working on a million things at once - i just get my work done within my regular work day, and that's it, i'm outta here. i finally don't feel guilty about it. i am a little worried cause i just got told last week that one of my other projects is kicking back up BIG TIME, and we have an expert report due by the end of may, so that means i will have to take a break from the bridge to go back to the main office to work. not bad because the atmosphere will be better...just worried that my regular schedule and balance will get thrown off, because i know they will constantly try to get me to work 10/11/12 hour days, but i refuse to let that happen. i already put my foot down and said that i understand they will need me to work some longer hours, but I WILL be leaving at a reasonable time in order to make sure i work out and have some down time...because if i can't maintain myself, then they won't get efficient work from me anyhow. it feels good to stand up for myself.
other than that, things have been good. staying pretty busy cause of my working out, working at my main office here and there, and then having my EMT refresher 2 nights a week.
things have been really good between me and nick. seems like we've been having a lot of fun lately, and i feel like it's partially because i've been better at letting things go and just doing what i do.
besides that, not much to say.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
it's all down hill from here....well, sort of
i've now passed the half way point of my weight loss goal! there was no party...and actually it really wasn't that exciting, just another day, another weigh in. but it makes me feel good and its only down hill from here....kind of. i know to lose the rest i'm gonna have to try 10 times harder just because it will start to get difficult when i'm not holding as much fat and i'm trying to tone my muscles the best i can...but ultimately its down hill cause i've gotten over that hump.
204.4 this morning. i think my goal of 195-200 by the end of the month may not be so far fetched after all.
204.4 this morning. i think my goal of 195-200 by the end of the month may not be so far fetched after all.
Friday, April 9, 2010
wow, didn't realize how much better i feel until this week.
so, this week has been SUPER busy, which equals zero sleep. and it hasn't been until this week that i realized how much better i had been feeling energy wise...up to this point of course.
work has been busy, i started my EMT-B refresher class, i've been working out, and i've been working longer hours each day in order to get off early today to take someone to the airport. and it really doesn't seem like much, but its enough to drain me. so i'm realizing that cutting back all the millions of things i was doing before and just sticking to my "me" schedule has been so helpful for getting good energy and keeping up with things.
so, note to self: self, the minimal and regular schedule is best. stand your ground and don't let anyone screw that up!
good thing the EMT refresher is only through the end of the month.
work has been busy, i started my EMT-B refresher class, i've been working out, and i've been working longer hours each day in order to get off early today to take someone to the airport. and it really doesn't seem like much, but its enough to drain me. so i'm realizing that cutting back all the millions of things i was doing before and just sticking to my "me" schedule has been so helpful for getting good energy and keeping up with things.
so, note to self: self, the minimal and regular schedule is best. stand your ground and don't let anyone screw that up!
good thing the EMT refresher is only through the end of the month.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
droppin'
as of this morning i lost the weight i gained over the weekend and i lost a couple more. down to 205.8. hoping for between 195 and 200 by the end of the month, but i know thats pushin it....gotta work my ass off for that one.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
true feelings suck, but its reality
so, its been a week i guess since i updated. there are 2 reasons why i have stalled on the update: 1 - i was back home for easter vacation, and 2 - because i have been trying to think of the best way to sum up some of my frustrations.
easter vacation was GREAT! didn't really have any plans while we were there, so we just went with the flow of things...and i realized i need to do that more often because it feels so much better. we got to see my niece play in her last soccer game of the season, we took some of the dogs out to the beach at sunrise, i got to be creative and paint a painting, we had easter dinner (which i thoroughly enjoyed because it was my cheat meal so i got to eat mac n cheese AND squash casserole), and we did a bunch of other random stuff. but it felt good because we kept busy the entire time, but had fun while doing it. i think we watched a total of 5 hours of TV the entire vacation. nick and i even got in a couple of crossfit workouts, so i didn't feel really guilty about not being on top of my "game"...and i still ate really well too (but i did gain a couple pounds, not sure why - oh well). but all in all, we had a great time - with exception of the 12 hour drive home.
so, the next thing...my frustrations. well, there are 2 things that have been "bothering" me. one is that i found out last week that our really good friends found out their having a baby. i am ecstatic for them, so happy for them, they will be GREAT parents, they will be perfect. it was kinda "unexpected", but more of a "we didn't think it would happen this soon". so they have had a rough time with the sudden "wow, this is really happening" aspect. its mostly because she just started a new job, and they've been trying to do major renovations on their house - so they don't know what to really do right now. but, i'm not bothered that they are having a kid...like i said, i am ecstatic for them. i think i'm just a little jealous. its the honest truth. just cause i want one soooo bad, but its just "not the right time yet". EVERYONE i know is or has already had a baby...so i'm just getting antsy. i want to have that "yay!" feeling. but i guess i just have to wait.
the other thing is aggrivation about something that i shouldn't let bother me, but it does. weight loss. not mine, but other people trying to do it. i know i need to be supportive, lord knows i've needed it...but there's a difference in supporting someone who is really and truely making an effort to change things, and someone who goes through the motions and says they want to do it but ALWAYS finds a reason why it just isn't working. i'm not a miracle worker...i'm a hard worker. i have not just all of a sudden dropped the weight just because i said i wanted to...i dropped it because i've worked my ass off. i decided that i wanted to do it, and i did it. i can't give any more advice other than it takes hard work, consistency, a want to change, a will to change, and an understanding that its going to be difficult. have i had my pouty moments - yes. have i cried because i didn't feel like i was getting anywhere - yes. do i have days that i feel like a failure - yes. have i had "cheat"days, and sometimes down right "bad"days - yes. do i typically ache somewhere on my body EVERY day - yes. has nick probably wanted to plug his ears so he didn't have to listen to me cry/whine anymore - yes. do i still cry because i don't feel like i'm getting anywhere - yes. but, have i given up - no. have i made excuses - no. did it happen over night - no. have i drastically changed my perspective and priorities - yes. i don't know what other advice i can give without being down right rude to make people realize that my success hasn't come without feelings of failure, hardwork and tears. so it gets kind of bothersome when someone wants to do what you've done, and have the success, without being willing to do the work. it just takes all the hard work i've put in and throws it in my face as if things "just happened to work out for me". no, i earned it. i know i haven't done everything perfect. i know certain things work better for certain people...but regardless what that "thing" is, it will always take hard work.
yes, i know i sound like a bitch. but i started this blog to get things off my chest and to be honest about my feelings. so there you go. here's what i think. i'm sure some will be offended by it, or some might use it to light a fire under their ass. either way, i feel better.
easter vacation was GREAT! didn't really have any plans while we were there, so we just went with the flow of things...and i realized i need to do that more often because it feels so much better. we got to see my niece play in her last soccer game of the season, we took some of the dogs out to the beach at sunrise, i got to be creative and paint a painting, we had easter dinner (which i thoroughly enjoyed because it was my cheat meal so i got to eat mac n cheese AND squash casserole), and we did a bunch of other random stuff. but it felt good because we kept busy the entire time, but had fun while doing it. i think we watched a total of 5 hours of TV the entire vacation. nick and i even got in a couple of crossfit workouts, so i didn't feel really guilty about not being on top of my "game"...and i still ate really well too (but i did gain a couple pounds, not sure why - oh well). but all in all, we had a great time - with exception of the 12 hour drive home.
so, the next thing...my frustrations. well, there are 2 things that have been "bothering" me. one is that i found out last week that our really good friends found out their having a baby. i am ecstatic for them, so happy for them, they will be GREAT parents, they will be perfect. it was kinda "unexpected", but more of a "we didn't think it would happen this soon". so they have had a rough time with the sudden "wow, this is really happening" aspect. its mostly because she just started a new job, and they've been trying to do major renovations on their house - so they don't know what to really do right now. but, i'm not bothered that they are having a kid...like i said, i am ecstatic for them. i think i'm just a little jealous. its the honest truth. just cause i want one soooo bad, but its just "not the right time yet". EVERYONE i know is or has already had a baby...so i'm just getting antsy. i want to have that "yay!" feeling. but i guess i just have to wait.
the other thing is aggrivation about something that i shouldn't let bother me, but it does. weight loss. not mine, but other people trying to do it. i know i need to be supportive, lord knows i've needed it...but there's a difference in supporting someone who is really and truely making an effort to change things, and someone who goes through the motions and says they want to do it but ALWAYS finds a reason why it just isn't working. i'm not a miracle worker...i'm a hard worker. i have not just all of a sudden dropped the weight just because i said i wanted to...i dropped it because i've worked my ass off. i decided that i wanted to do it, and i did it. i can't give any more advice other than it takes hard work, consistency, a want to change, a will to change, and an understanding that its going to be difficult. have i had my pouty moments - yes. have i cried because i didn't feel like i was getting anywhere - yes. do i have days that i feel like a failure - yes. have i had "cheat"days, and sometimes down right "bad"days - yes. do i typically ache somewhere on my body EVERY day - yes. has nick probably wanted to plug his ears so he didn't have to listen to me cry/whine anymore - yes. do i still cry because i don't feel like i'm getting anywhere - yes. but, have i given up - no. have i made excuses - no. did it happen over night - no. have i drastically changed my perspective and priorities - yes. i don't know what other advice i can give without being down right rude to make people realize that my success hasn't come without feelings of failure, hardwork and tears. so it gets kind of bothersome when someone wants to do what you've done, and have the success, without being willing to do the work. it just takes all the hard work i've put in and throws it in my face as if things "just happened to work out for me". no, i earned it. i know i haven't done everything perfect. i know certain things work better for certain people...but regardless what that "thing" is, it will always take hard work.
yes, i know i sound like a bitch. but i started this blog to get things off my chest and to be honest about my feelings. so there you go. here's what i think. i'm sure some will be offended by it, or some might use it to light a fire under their ass. either way, i feel better.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
good article
here's an article one of my trainers posted. it is a good way of explaining the Paleo diet in pretty simple terms.
http://www.denverpost.com/ci_14719513?source=sb-facebook
http://www.denverpost.com/ci_14719513?source=sb-facebook
melissa, meet fruit and veggie.
so, it seems like this is working. i've had a lot more constant energy than i've had before and i got on the scale this morning and i'm down to 208.0 - yesterday i was at 208.6. hey, it's the little things that count, ok....
never thought i'd eat so many fruits and veggies in my life, but we have gone through all of it pretty fast. i guess that's what happens when that's all you eat, huh? no carbs as fillers makes for a big pit to fill with the other stuff.
i'm feeling really good about this. i think it's 2 part. 1- its better for me and it is helping me lose weight, feel better, and have more energy. 2- because its a competition, and i THRIVE on competition. i guess the second one isn't necessarily as good of a reason as the first, but it works, so whatev. hopefully after the official competition is over i will be willing to battle against myself just as stubborn as i am now against everyone else. but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
never thought i'd eat so many fruits and veggies in my life, but we have gone through all of it pretty fast. i guess that's what happens when that's all you eat, huh? no carbs as fillers makes for a big pit to fill with the other stuff.
i'm feeling really good about this. i think it's 2 part. 1- its better for me and it is helping me lose weight, feel better, and have more energy. 2- because its a competition, and i THRIVE on competition. i guess the second one isn't necessarily as good of a reason as the first, but it works, so whatev. hopefully after the official competition is over i will be willing to battle against myself just as stubborn as i am now against everyone else. but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
just curious...
i have wondered how many people actually read this blog...? i'm not really sure i why i wonder that, but i do.
i only have 2 followers, which are 2 of my closest friends, but i know others read it....i just don't know how many. i know my sister reads it. i know one of my other closest friends has read it. i told them about it, but they just aren't followers - i guess cause they don't have blogs set up for themselves, IDK.
but how many of you are really out there?
i guess one reason i wonder is because i just found out my husband reads it. if you go back to one of my earliest blogs i am pretty sure that i might have stated that i only told a few people about it, and those few did not include my husband. no real reason other than the fact that everything i write on here is stuff i'm sure he's already heard me say, or yell, to him. but after randomly talking about blogs the other night, he told me that he knew about mine. and he's been reading for a while. HI NICK!
it doesn't bother me. actually it makes me feel better, because not that i was trying to "hide it" from him, just didn't want to bother him with it i guess. but also after talking about it, it seems like it may help - maybe not a whole lot, but at least a little bit - for him to understand some of my thoughts. things i may not be able to explain or get out in the moment of talking to him could make sense to him after reading some of this. he said it has helped him understand me a little better in the way i think about things.
soooo, now that i know that, it makes me wonder who is out there? are there people out there that read this? does this blog possibly help anyone else? just curious. i hope it can help someone...lord knows its helped me get plenty of stuff off my chest in the midst of my crazy thoughts and nonstop rambling.
i only have 2 followers, which are 2 of my closest friends, but i know others read it....i just don't know how many. i know my sister reads it. i know one of my other closest friends has read it. i told them about it, but they just aren't followers - i guess cause they don't have blogs set up for themselves, IDK.
but how many of you are really out there?
i guess one reason i wonder is because i just found out my husband reads it. if you go back to one of my earliest blogs i am pretty sure that i might have stated that i only told a few people about it, and those few did not include my husband. no real reason other than the fact that everything i write on here is stuff i'm sure he's already heard me say, or yell, to him. but after randomly talking about blogs the other night, he told me that he knew about mine. and he's been reading for a while. HI NICK!
it doesn't bother me. actually it makes me feel better, because not that i was trying to "hide it" from him, just didn't want to bother him with it i guess. but also after talking about it, it seems like it may help - maybe not a whole lot, but at least a little bit - for him to understand some of my thoughts. things i may not be able to explain or get out in the moment of talking to him could make sense to him after reading some of this. he said it has helped him understand me a little better in the way i think about things.
soooo, now that i know that, it makes me wonder who is out there? are there people out there that read this? does this blog possibly help anyone else? just curious. i hope it can help someone...lord knows its helped me get plenty of stuff off my chest in the midst of my crazy thoughts and nonstop rambling.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
it might actually work...
ok, so i did the BOD POD again this past saturday. i have to admit that i got very upset from the results, even though i did make improvements. it wasn't as good as i expected, it actually wasn't even as good as my trainer expected, but it was an improvement, so i guess i have to be happy about that. it just sucks cause i feel like i've worked my ass off for so long, so i expected something drastic, but nope. so i was pissed, a little down, and very aggrivated and mopy. nick of course went into it thinking that he was going to have horrible results and ended up being much better than he expected, so i was proud of him....but i won't lie, i was a little angry too. not with him, just with the process because i have been watching what i eat sooooo much better than him, and he ended up doing better than me....very discouraging. i ended up losing 3.6 lbs of body fat, then gaining 2.5 lbs of lean mass. my trainer said he expected me to lose more around 5 lbs body fat, and gain about 4 lbs lean mass just because of how much my body has toned up and how much better my endurance has gotten. so, he used those 2 things to try and make me feel better. and its true...when i first started there i couldn't even make it 1/4 mile without stopping to catch my breath, but now i can go for a mile + and not have to stop at all. and i def have toned up because i've dropped 4-6 pants sizes. so i know everything i'm doing is ultimately working, i just pay too much attention to #s as opposed to full results.
but now it has motivated me enough to suck it up and push for the next step to try and lose the weight - Paleo Challenge. its a challenge our gym is doing starting this past saturday and it lasts through april 25th, when the BOD POD guy comes back again. everyone that wants to do it has to put $10 into the pot, and whoever wins gets the pot of $ plus a free month at the gym. i told my trainer i'm gonna win it. to determine who wins we all had to do the BOD POD this past weekend, and then we have to do it again on april 25th, and whoever has lost the most % of body fat wins - kinda like the biggest loser. well, i have PLENTY of body fat to lose, so i'm determined to win it.
so what is a Paleo diet? its basically eating like a caveman - anything you can hunt, catch, gather is fair game....anything processed, dairy, or any grains/carbs is out. you can eat carbs as long as its the carbs in any fruit/veggies, but thats it. basically you can eat as much of the veggies/fruit as you want - unlimited, and then you portion the right amount of lean meat, and then you also have to eat some sort of fat (ie, nuts, avocado, oils, etc).
at first i was very worried that there was no way i could go without some sort of grains/carbs, but i'm on day 4 and i've been ok so far. and i'm even surprised at the amount of energy i still have, because they say that if you're not used to this type of diet you typically lose alot of energy at first because your body is adjusting to not having the heavy carbs as energy, so you have to make sure you eat enough fruits/veggies to replenish it. AND i've already started losing weight! they told me that with this diet you drop weight really fast because people don't realize how much fat eating a lot of carbs can cause, but now i believe them. i was 215 on saturday when i was weighed in the bod pod, and this morning i was 208.4 - granted, i know some of that is water weight also, but still, i'm at the lowest i've ever been since i started working out - so obviously its working.
but, there are 2 things that are a downfall:
1- OMG, eating all this healthy stuff is very expensive! you go through so much more food because you have to eat so much of it to get in the right amount of calories and stay energized. but, nick and i have talked about it and decided that its worth it and we'll do whatever we have to do to make it work. so we're shifting money around to make sure we put enough aside for the extra grocery bills, even if it means we don't get to do/get something *extra* for ourselves. health is first, and if this is what it takes to be healthy, then so be it.
2- i suck at cooking - and i mean i SUCK at cooking. i can follow recipes, but typically it either doesn't turn out right or the recipe just ends up not being in our taste pallet. so, when you are limited to the things you can eat, AND all the extras (ketchup, dressings, mayo, cheese, etc) - cooking sucks even more! apparently we can use marinades because its such a small amount that gets absorbed that its ok, and we can use olive oil/vinegar/etc too, but still the food just doesn't seem right. so i'm not gonna lie, there are times that i have to play mind over body just to get something down, but so far i've been ok. i'm trying new things and having to figure out ways to make it more appealing.
now, nick isn't doing the challenge, so it makes it a little harder because we still have all those "extra" things around the kitchen that i can't have....but, he is eating better than he was before, so it makes it a little easier because we have mass amounts of fruits and veggies EVERYWHERE. i told him the other day that i was amazed at how different our fridge was when you opened it now compared to a year ago....sooooo much healthier than before.
so, i'm hoping this is the next big push to get me on my way to losing more weight. its gonna suck, and its gonna be expensive, but thats what i have to do if i really want to reach my goal. i just have to suck it up for a month...and then hope that by the end of the month my eating habits will be accustomed to this so that i don't go back to my old ways.
but now it has motivated me enough to suck it up and push for the next step to try and lose the weight - Paleo Challenge. its a challenge our gym is doing starting this past saturday and it lasts through april 25th, when the BOD POD guy comes back again. everyone that wants to do it has to put $10 into the pot, and whoever wins gets the pot of $ plus a free month at the gym. i told my trainer i'm gonna win it. to determine who wins we all had to do the BOD POD this past weekend, and then we have to do it again on april 25th, and whoever has lost the most % of body fat wins - kinda like the biggest loser. well, i have PLENTY of body fat to lose, so i'm determined to win it.
so what is a Paleo diet? its basically eating like a caveman - anything you can hunt, catch, gather is fair game....anything processed, dairy, or any grains/carbs is out. you can eat carbs as long as its the carbs in any fruit/veggies, but thats it. basically you can eat as much of the veggies/fruit as you want - unlimited, and then you portion the right amount of lean meat, and then you also have to eat some sort of fat (ie, nuts, avocado, oils, etc).
at first i was very worried that there was no way i could go without some sort of grains/carbs, but i'm on day 4 and i've been ok so far. and i'm even surprised at the amount of energy i still have, because they say that if you're not used to this type of diet you typically lose alot of energy at first because your body is adjusting to not having the heavy carbs as energy, so you have to make sure you eat enough fruits/veggies to replenish it. AND i've already started losing weight! they told me that with this diet you drop weight really fast because people don't realize how much fat eating a lot of carbs can cause, but now i believe them. i was 215 on saturday when i was weighed in the bod pod, and this morning i was 208.4 - granted, i know some of that is water weight also, but still, i'm at the lowest i've ever been since i started working out - so obviously its working.
but, there are 2 things that are a downfall:
1- OMG, eating all this healthy stuff is very expensive! you go through so much more food because you have to eat so much of it to get in the right amount of calories and stay energized. but, nick and i have talked about it and decided that its worth it and we'll do whatever we have to do to make it work. so we're shifting money around to make sure we put enough aside for the extra grocery bills, even if it means we don't get to do/get something *extra* for ourselves. health is first, and if this is what it takes to be healthy, then so be it.
2- i suck at cooking - and i mean i SUCK at cooking. i can follow recipes, but typically it either doesn't turn out right or the recipe just ends up not being in our taste pallet. so, when you are limited to the things you can eat, AND all the extras (ketchup, dressings, mayo, cheese, etc) - cooking sucks even more! apparently we can use marinades because its such a small amount that gets absorbed that its ok, and we can use olive oil/vinegar/etc too, but still the food just doesn't seem right. so i'm not gonna lie, there are times that i have to play mind over body just to get something down, but so far i've been ok. i'm trying new things and having to figure out ways to make it more appealing.
now, nick isn't doing the challenge, so it makes it a little harder because we still have all those "extra" things around the kitchen that i can't have....but, he is eating better than he was before, so it makes it a little easier because we have mass amounts of fruits and veggies EVERYWHERE. i told him the other day that i was amazed at how different our fridge was when you opened it now compared to a year ago....sooooo much healthier than before.
so, i'm hoping this is the next big push to get me on my way to losing more weight. its gonna suck, and its gonna be expensive, but thats what i have to do if i really want to reach my goal. i just have to suck it up for a month...and then hope that by the end of the month my eating habits will be accustomed to this so that i don't go back to my old ways.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
this is totally random...just throwing it out there...
so, i know a handful of people read this blog. but i'm realizing that there are people i don't even know that are reading it too - and i'm totally ok with that cause hopefully it could either help someone (in some way) or at least give you a good laugh at the mess i am.
but, none-the-less, there are people that read it. so, i'm going to take an opportunity to "market" a little business that my sister and i do for fun, and that is something i enjoy doing to get my mind off of the regular mess that i think about.
DC Baby Love is the name. we make diaper cakes for baby showers/gifts. we have basic options and pricing, but most of what we do ends up being custom (based on a theme/nursery decor/specific colors, etc). if you're interested you can go to dcbabylove.com and check it out. and if you think you know someone that would be interested, then pass the word along. we ship, so even if you live far away we can still work something out.
it's not a business we are doing to make crazy amounts of money, its just something that we enjoy doing. my sister randomly started making them as presents, then people started asking about them, and asking her if she would make them for her, so she decided to make it a small "side job" because there seemed to be some sort of market behind having a creative eye to do something unique like this. i started helping her because i love artsy stuff, and i love letting my mind run with creative thoughts - i think we all know my mind runs constantly in general, so if it can be about something fun and creative i could do it all day long.
so, check it out if you want. i've attached some pics to give you an idea...
but, none-the-less, there are people that read it. so, i'm going to take an opportunity to "market" a little business that my sister and i do for fun, and that is something i enjoy doing to get my mind off of the regular mess that i think about.
DC Baby Love is the name. we make diaper cakes for baby showers/gifts. we have basic options and pricing, but most of what we do ends up being custom (based on a theme/nursery decor/specific colors, etc). if you're interested you can go to dcbabylove.com and check it out. and if you think you know someone that would be interested, then pass the word along. we ship, so even if you live far away we can still work something out.
it's not a business we are doing to make crazy amounts of money, its just something that we enjoy doing. my sister randomly started making them as presents, then people started asking about them, and asking her if she would make them for her, so she decided to make it a small "side job" because there seemed to be some sort of market behind having a creative eye to do something unique like this. i started helping her because i love artsy stuff, and i love letting my mind run with creative thoughts - i think we all know my mind runs constantly in general, so if it can be about something fun and creative i could do it all day long.
so, check it out if you want. i've attached some pics to give you an idea...
Monday, March 15, 2010
2 things that have been bothering me lately...
1- if you you constantly say you're gonna do something, just do it....don't keep coming up with excuses or someone/something else to blame. i'm not saying i'm perfect (obviously i'm not), but if you keep finding ways that things "just don't work for you" or is "too hard", you will never get anywhere and i can't do anything to help you.
2- when you finally start doing something...don't talk all your shit about finally doing it, just to half ass it the entire time. nothing burns me more than knowing that i try to do everything 120% because my mind won't let me do less than that without feeling like i'm letting myself or someone else down. then to sit and watch/listen to someone claim their doing soooooo much when they're just filling themselves with bullshit to make themselves feel better for always coming up with excuses gets really f'n annoying after a while - especially when i've been bustin my ass to figure shit out and work hard to change my life for the better. it makes it seem like you're doing it as a game just because other people are playing...not because you actually want to DO something or get anywhere from it.
and one more thing...back to what i said in an earlier post about people saying "well thats life, and you just have to learn to deal with it"...i call bullshit. there's a difference in being the person willing to sit back and let all the other people saying that determine how things are "supposed to be" for everyone, and then theres people are willing to step up and say they aren't gonna do things "just cause that's how it has always been" or because "thats life" and instead make decisions to live the life THEY want to live.
i've decided i'm going to take the latter approach. it may cause me to butt heads with people and it may be a tough road, but i'm willing to fight those battles in order to say that my life is the way it is because i fought to have it that way...not because "that's just how its supposed to be".
this all probably doesn't make much sense, but i just had to put it out there cause its stuff thats been running through my mind. it makes me sound like a bitch, but too bad. and i'm sure when compared to my situations and decisions, this could sound somewhat hypocritical, but i feel like i can say i fight for what i do and i do whats best for ME and the life I want to live - and honestly i'm at the point of saying "fuck everyone else" for what they expect me to do and the way they expect me to be. i'm sick of how things are just because "that's the way its always been done", or because "it would hurt someone's feelings" if you told them to fucking do something, or listening to "well that would mean i have to go outta my way and actually put in some effort to do something, and i don't wanna do that"...why is anyone surprised at the way things are now...ugh, i can't even think straight right now. i'm just annoyed.
reading over this, it doesn't seem to make much sense at all...but F it, i give up trying to explain.
1- if you you constantly say you're gonna do something, just do it....don't keep coming up with excuses or someone/something else to blame. i'm not saying i'm perfect (obviously i'm not), but if you keep finding ways that things "just don't work for you" or is "too hard", you will never get anywhere and i can't do anything to help you.
2- when you finally start doing something...don't talk all your shit about finally doing it, just to half ass it the entire time. nothing burns me more than knowing that i try to do everything 120% because my mind won't let me do less than that without feeling like i'm letting myself or someone else down. then to sit and watch/listen to someone claim their doing soooooo much when they're just filling themselves with bullshit to make themselves feel better for always coming up with excuses gets really f'n annoying after a while - especially when i've been bustin my ass to figure shit out and work hard to change my life for the better. it makes it seem like you're doing it as a game just because other people are playing...not because you actually want to DO something or get anywhere from it.
and one more thing...back to what i said in an earlier post about people saying "well thats life, and you just have to learn to deal with it"...i call bullshit. there's a difference in being the person willing to sit back and let all the other people saying that determine how things are "supposed to be" for everyone, and then theres people are willing to step up and say they aren't gonna do things "just cause that's how it has always been" or because "thats life" and instead make decisions to live the life THEY want to live.
i've decided i'm going to take the latter approach. it may cause me to butt heads with people and it may be a tough road, but i'm willing to fight those battles in order to say that my life is the way it is because i fought to have it that way...not because "that's just how its supposed to be".
this all probably doesn't make much sense, but i just had to put it out there cause its stuff thats been running through my mind. it makes me sound like a bitch, but too bad. and i'm sure when compared to my situations and decisions, this could sound somewhat hypocritical, but i feel like i can say i fight for what i do and i do whats best for ME and the life I want to live - and honestly i'm at the point of saying "fuck everyone else" for what they expect me to do and the way they expect me to be. i'm sick of how things are just because "that's the way its always been done", or because "it would hurt someone's feelings" if you told them to fucking do something, or listening to "well that would mean i have to go outta my way and actually put in some effort to do something, and i don't wanna do that"...why is anyone surprised at the way things are now...ugh, i can't even think straight right now. i'm just annoyed.
reading over this, it doesn't seem to make much sense at all...but F it, i give up trying to explain.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
i'm the only one lucky enough to work with these deuschbags
yeah, the last post - about the pinging.
i walked to the guys door and said, very calmly i might add "hey, i've really been trying to be patient and ignore it, but would you mind either turning the volume down, or off, so i don't have to listen to the pinging all day?". As i expected, i got a blank "i'm the mafia" stare. little does he know he doesn't scare me.
so, the pinging stopped...and the humming began. yep, he has never sat there and hummed to himself before....that is, until i asked him to stop the pinging. about 10 minutes after he started that i was close to just saying out loud "the humming is much better than the pinging, thank you!". but, before i got to that point, he had turned the volume back on...and the pinging began again.
oh, and, here's a good one - after i had asked him to please stop, he got on the phone, called his boss, and did his "i think we need to have lunch" comment. this is what he does every time he gets upset about something/someone down here. so typical, i told you he would want to tattle.
only i am lucky enough to deal with these idiots. but i've decided that if it keeps on going, specifically because i have kindly asked him to stop and there is no reason for him to have the volume on anyhow (let alone that there's no reason for him to be playing games all day), i'm gonna go to our manager. yes, that's tattling, but i don't care cause that fucker thinks he owns the world, but i beg to differ.
i walked to the guys door and said, very calmly i might add "hey, i've really been trying to be patient and ignore it, but would you mind either turning the volume down, or off, so i don't have to listen to the pinging all day?". As i expected, i got a blank "i'm the mafia" stare. little does he know he doesn't scare me.
so, the pinging stopped...and the humming began. yep, he has never sat there and hummed to himself before....that is, until i asked him to stop the pinging. about 10 minutes after he started that i was close to just saying out loud "the humming is much better than the pinging, thank you!". but, before i got to that point, he had turned the volume back on...and the pinging began again.
oh, and, here's a good one - after i had asked him to please stop, he got on the phone, called his boss, and did his "i think we need to have lunch" comment. this is what he does every time he gets upset about something/someone down here. so typical, i told you he would want to tattle.
only i am lucky enough to deal with these idiots. but i've decided that if it keeps on going, specifically because i have kindly asked him to stop and there is no reason for him to have the volume on anyhow (let alone that there's no reason for him to be playing games all day), i'm gonna go to our manager. yes, that's tattling, but i don't care cause that fucker thinks he owns the world, but i beg to differ.
i need your opinion, please
i need your opinion on something...
the guy that sits in the office next to me, who usually stares out the window, now sits there all day long and plays some game on his computer that constantly pings. and i mean all day, and constantly pinging, ping, ping, ping, ping.
so, when he used to sit and stare out the window, it bothered the shit outta me, but ultimately it didn't "affect" me. but now, i can't take the pinging. he won't do it if one of our site managers are in the trailer, but the rest of the time its ping, ping, ping, ping, ping etc etc.
what i really want to do is make a comment that kills 2 birds with one stone. the comment i have in mind is "you know, if you turn the volume off, then people won't know that you're sitting there playing a game all day". one of the birds is to get him to turn the volume off so i don't have to listen to it anymore. the second bird is to make my point that i know he sits there and does nothing all day long.
so, any opinion? not that i usually care, but is it too confrontational to say that to him? he hates me already cause he knows i'll call him out on his bullshit, so he doesn't even act like i'm alive. so its not like i'd be severing a friendship or anything. i just know he'll go running to tattle on me - or maybe he won't cause he'll have to tell someone that i was calling him out for playing a game all day long....
i really want to say something, but at the same time i know he's not worth my time, let alone the breaths i would be taking to say something to him. i just don't want to listen to the pinging anymore. i guess i could say something to my manager, but that would just be tattling, and i prefer to be straight forward and go straight to the source to give them the opportunity to change on their own....but i know he won't.
please, opinion?
the guy that sits in the office next to me, who usually stares out the window, now sits there all day long and plays some game on his computer that constantly pings. and i mean all day, and constantly pinging, ping, ping, ping, ping.
so, when he used to sit and stare out the window, it bothered the shit outta me, but ultimately it didn't "affect" me. but now, i can't take the pinging. he won't do it if one of our site managers are in the trailer, but the rest of the time its ping, ping, ping, ping, ping etc etc.
what i really want to do is make a comment that kills 2 birds with one stone. the comment i have in mind is "you know, if you turn the volume off, then people won't know that you're sitting there playing a game all day". one of the birds is to get him to turn the volume off so i don't have to listen to it anymore. the second bird is to make my point that i know he sits there and does nothing all day long.
so, any opinion? not that i usually care, but is it too confrontational to say that to him? he hates me already cause he knows i'll call him out on his bullshit, so he doesn't even act like i'm alive. so its not like i'd be severing a friendship or anything. i just know he'll go running to tattle on me - or maybe he won't cause he'll have to tell someone that i was calling him out for playing a game all day long....
i really want to say something, but at the same time i know he's not worth my time, let alone the breaths i would be taking to say something to him. i just don't want to listen to the pinging anymore. i guess i could say something to my manager, but that would just be tattling, and i prefer to be straight forward and go straight to the source to give them the opportunity to change on their own....but i know he won't.
please, opinion?
Friday, March 5, 2010
wow, the littlest things give me an overwhelming feeling again...
so, i've been feeling good, but within the last 2 hours i've suddenly got the overwhelming and heavy chest feeling again. and i feel like it's because i'm doing something important for the job here at the bridge (an estimate, where all the numbers have to be right and you can't mess up, otherwise you have to jump through numerous hoops and headaches to fix it). i feel like a huge weight is on my shoulders and if i mess up the world will end, even though i know i'm being careful and thurough - cause i already caught some mistakes that my manager did. i don't know why i feel like this. i never got anxious over stuff like this until recently cause it's what i do, and i know i do it well...but for some reason i feel like i'm gonna mess it up and get in trouble and cause problems for someone else.
ugh. so, i took some anti anxiety stuff in hopes i don't freak out today. again, so weird and frustrating.
ugh. so, i took some anti anxiety stuff in hopes i don't freak out today. again, so weird and frustrating.
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