207 this morning.
and i went on a walk/jog today. 2.5 mile run, 3.75 mile walk. did it in about 1.5 hours. not too shabby i guess.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
good article
here's an article one of my trainers posted. it is a good way of explaining the Paleo diet in pretty simple terms.
http://www.denverpost.com/ci_14719513?source=sb-facebook
http://www.denverpost.com/ci_14719513?source=sb-facebook
melissa, meet fruit and veggie.
so, it seems like this is working. i've had a lot more constant energy than i've had before and i got on the scale this morning and i'm down to 208.0 - yesterday i was at 208.6. hey, it's the little things that count, ok....
never thought i'd eat so many fruits and veggies in my life, but we have gone through all of it pretty fast. i guess that's what happens when that's all you eat, huh? no carbs as fillers makes for a big pit to fill with the other stuff.
i'm feeling really good about this. i think it's 2 part. 1- its better for me and it is helping me lose weight, feel better, and have more energy. 2- because its a competition, and i THRIVE on competition. i guess the second one isn't necessarily as good of a reason as the first, but it works, so whatev. hopefully after the official competition is over i will be willing to battle against myself just as stubborn as i am now against everyone else. but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
never thought i'd eat so many fruits and veggies in my life, but we have gone through all of it pretty fast. i guess that's what happens when that's all you eat, huh? no carbs as fillers makes for a big pit to fill with the other stuff.
i'm feeling really good about this. i think it's 2 part. 1- its better for me and it is helping me lose weight, feel better, and have more energy. 2- because its a competition, and i THRIVE on competition. i guess the second one isn't necessarily as good of a reason as the first, but it works, so whatev. hopefully after the official competition is over i will be willing to battle against myself just as stubborn as i am now against everyone else. but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
just curious...
i have wondered how many people actually read this blog...? i'm not really sure i why i wonder that, but i do.
i only have 2 followers, which are 2 of my closest friends, but i know others read it....i just don't know how many. i know my sister reads it. i know one of my other closest friends has read it. i told them about it, but they just aren't followers - i guess cause they don't have blogs set up for themselves, IDK.
but how many of you are really out there?
i guess one reason i wonder is because i just found out my husband reads it. if you go back to one of my earliest blogs i am pretty sure that i might have stated that i only told a few people about it, and those few did not include my husband. no real reason other than the fact that everything i write on here is stuff i'm sure he's already heard me say, or yell, to him. but after randomly talking about blogs the other night, he told me that he knew about mine. and he's been reading for a while. HI NICK!
it doesn't bother me. actually it makes me feel better, because not that i was trying to "hide it" from him, just didn't want to bother him with it i guess. but also after talking about it, it seems like it may help - maybe not a whole lot, but at least a little bit - for him to understand some of my thoughts. things i may not be able to explain or get out in the moment of talking to him could make sense to him after reading some of this. he said it has helped him understand me a little better in the way i think about things.
soooo, now that i know that, it makes me wonder who is out there? are there people out there that read this? does this blog possibly help anyone else? just curious. i hope it can help someone...lord knows its helped me get plenty of stuff off my chest in the midst of my crazy thoughts and nonstop rambling.
i only have 2 followers, which are 2 of my closest friends, but i know others read it....i just don't know how many. i know my sister reads it. i know one of my other closest friends has read it. i told them about it, but they just aren't followers - i guess cause they don't have blogs set up for themselves, IDK.
but how many of you are really out there?
i guess one reason i wonder is because i just found out my husband reads it. if you go back to one of my earliest blogs i am pretty sure that i might have stated that i only told a few people about it, and those few did not include my husband. no real reason other than the fact that everything i write on here is stuff i'm sure he's already heard me say, or yell, to him. but after randomly talking about blogs the other night, he told me that he knew about mine. and he's been reading for a while. HI NICK!
it doesn't bother me. actually it makes me feel better, because not that i was trying to "hide it" from him, just didn't want to bother him with it i guess. but also after talking about it, it seems like it may help - maybe not a whole lot, but at least a little bit - for him to understand some of my thoughts. things i may not be able to explain or get out in the moment of talking to him could make sense to him after reading some of this. he said it has helped him understand me a little better in the way i think about things.
soooo, now that i know that, it makes me wonder who is out there? are there people out there that read this? does this blog possibly help anyone else? just curious. i hope it can help someone...lord knows its helped me get plenty of stuff off my chest in the midst of my crazy thoughts and nonstop rambling.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
it might actually work...
ok, so i did the BOD POD again this past saturday. i have to admit that i got very upset from the results, even though i did make improvements. it wasn't as good as i expected, it actually wasn't even as good as my trainer expected, but it was an improvement, so i guess i have to be happy about that. it just sucks cause i feel like i've worked my ass off for so long, so i expected something drastic, but nope. so i was pissed, a little down, and very aggrivated and mopy. nick of course went into it thinking that he was going to have horrible results and ended up being much better than he expected, so i was proud of him....but i won't lie, i was a little angry too. not with him, just with the process because i have been watching what i eat sooooo much better than him, and he ended up doing better than me....very discouraging. i ended up losing 3.6 lbs of body fat, then gaining 2.5 lbs of lean mass. my trainer said he expected me to lose more around 5 lbs body fat, and gain about 4 lbs lean mass just because of how much my body has toned up and how much better my endurance has gotten. so, he used those 2 things to try and make me feel better. and its true...when i first started there i couldn't even make it 1/4 mile without stopping to catch my breath, but now i can go for a mile + and not have to stop at all. and i def have toned up because i've dropped 4-6 pants sizes. so i know everything i'm doing is ultimately working, i just pay too much attention to #s as opposed to full results.
but now it has motivated me enough to suck it up and push for the next step to try and lose the weight - Paleo Challenge. its a challenge our gym is doing starting this past saturday and it lasts through april 25th, when the BOD POD guy comes back again. everyone that wants to do it has to put $10 into the pot, and whoever wins gets the pot of $ plus a free month at the gym. i told my trainer i'm gonna win it. to determine who wins we all had to do the BOD POD this past weekend, and then we have to do it again on april 25th, and whoever has lost the most % of body fat wins - kinda like the biggest loser. well, i have PLENTY of body fat to lose, so i'm determined to win it.
so what is a Paleo diet? its basically eating like a caveman - anything you can hunt, catch, gather is fair game....anything processed, dairy, or any grains/carbs is out. you can eat carbs as long as its the carbs in any fruit/veggies, but thats it. basically you can eat as much of the veggies/fruit as you want - unlimited, and then you portion the right amount of lean meat, and then you also have to eat some sort of fat (ie, nuts, avocado, oils, etc).
at first i was very worried that there was no way i could go without some sort of grains/carbs, but i'm on day 4 and i've been ok so far. and i'm even surprised at the amount of energy i still have, because they say that if you're not used to this type of diet you typically lose alot of energy at first because your body is adjusting to not having the heavy carbs as energy, so you have to make sure you eat enough fruits/veggies to replenish it. AND i've already started losing weight! they told me that with this diet you drop weight really fast because people don't realize how much fat eating a lot of carbs can cause, but now i believe them. i was 215 on saturday when i was weighed in the bod pod, and this morning i was 208.4 - granted, i know some of that is water weight also, but still, i'm at the lowest i've ever been since i started working out - so obviously its working.
but, there are 2 things that are a downfall:
1- OMG, eating all this healthy stuff is very expensive! you go through so much more food because you have to eat so much of it to get in the right amount of calories and stay energized. but, nick and i have talked about it and decided that its worth it and we'll do whatever we have to do to make it work. so we're shifting money around to make sure we put enough aside for the extra grocery bills, even if it means we don't get to do/get something *extra* for ourselves. health is first, and if this is what it takes to be healthy, then so be it.
2- i suck at cooking - and i mean i SUCK at cooking. i can follow recipes, but typically it either doesn't turn out right or the recipe just ends up not being in our taste pallet. so, when you are limited to the things you can eat, AND all the extras (ketchup, dressings, mayo, cheese, etc) - cooking sucks even more! apparently we can use marinades because its such a small amount that gets absorbed that its ok, and we can use olive oil/vinegar/etc too, but still the food just doesn't seem right. so i'm not gonna lie, there are times that i have to play mind over body just to get something down, but so far i've been ok. i'm trying new things and having to figure out ways to make it more appealing.
now, nick isn't doing the challenge, so it makes it a little harder because we still have all those "extra" things around the kitchen that i can't have....but, he is eating better than he was before, so it makes it a little easier because we have mass amounts of fruits and veggies EVERYWHERE. i told him the other day that i was amazed at how different our fridge was when you opened it now compared to a year ago....sooooo much healthier than before.
so, i'm hoping this is the next big push to get me on my way to losing more weight. its gonna suck, and its gonna be expensive, but thats what i have to do if i really want to reach my goal. i just have to suck it up for a month...and then hope that by the end of the month my eating habits will be accustomed to this so that i don't go back to my old ways.
but now it has motivated me enough to suck it up and push for the next step to try and lose the weight - Paleo Challenge. its a challenge our gym is doing starting this past saturday and it lasts through april 25th, when the BOD POD guy comes back again. everyone that wants to do it has to put $10 into the pot, and whoever wins gets the pot of $ plus a free month at the gym. i told my trainer i'm gonna win it. to determine who wins we all had to do the BOD POD this past weekend, and then we have to do it again on april 25th, and whoever has lost the most % of body fat wins - kinda like the biggest loser. well, i have PLENTY of body fat to lose, so i'm determined to win it.
so what is a Paleo diet? its basically eating like a caveman - anything you can hunt, catch, gather is fair game....anything processed, dairy, or any grains/carbs is out. you can eat carbs as long as its the carbs in any fruit/veggies, but thats it. basically you can eat as much of the veggies/fruit as you want - unlimited, and then you portion the right amount of lean meat, and then you also have to eat some sort of fat (ie, nuts, avocado, oils, etc).
at first i was very worried that there was no way i could go without some sort of grains/carbs, but i'm on day 4 and i've been ok so far. and i'm even surprised at the amount of energy i still have, because they say that if you're not used to this type of diet you typically lose alot of energy at first because your body is adjusting to not having the heavy carbs as energy, so you have to make sure you eat enough fruits/veggies to replenish it. AND i've already started losing weight! they told me that with this diet you drop weight really fast because people don't realize how much fat eating a lot of carbs can cause, but now i believe them. i was 215 on saturday when i was weighed in the bod pod, and this morning i was 208.4 - granted, i know some of that is water weight also, but still, i'm at the lowest i've ever been since i started working out - so obviously its working.
but, there are 2 things that are a downfall:
1- OMG, eating all this healthy stuff is very expensive! you go through so much more food because you have to eat so much of it to get in the right amount of calories and stay energized. but, nick and i have talked about it and decided that its worth it and we'll do whatever we have to do to make it work. so we're shifting money around to make sure we put enough aside for the extra grocery bills, even if it means we don't get to do/get something *extra* for ourselves. health is first, and if this is what it takes to be healthy, then so be it.
2- i suck at cooking - and i mean i SUCK at cooking. i can follow recipes, but typically it either doesn't turn out right or the recipe just ends up not being in our taste pallet. so, when you are limited to the things you can eat, AND all the extras (ketchup, dressings, mayo, cheese, etc) - cooking sucks even more! apparently we can use marinades because its such a small amount that gets absorbed that its ok, and we can use olive oil/vinegar/etc too, but still the food just doesn't seem right. so i'm not gonna lie, there are times that i have to play mind over body just to get something down, but so far i've been ok. i'm trying new things and having to figure out ways to make it more appealing.
now, nick isn't doing the challenge, so it makes it a little harder because we still have all those "extra" things around the kitchen that i can't have....but, he is eating better than he was before, so it makes it a little easier because we have mass amounts of fruits and veggies EVERYWHERE. i told him the other day that i was amazed at how different our fridge was when you opened it now compared to a year ago....sooooo much healthier than before.
so, i'm hoping this is the next big push to get me on my way to losing more weight. its gonna suck, and its gonna be expensive, but thats what i have to do if i really want to reach my goal. i just have to suck it up for a month...and then hope that by the end of the month my eating habits will be accustomed to this so that i don't go back to my old ways.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
this is totally random...just throwing it out there...
so, i know a handful of people read this blog. but i'm realizing that there are people i don't even know that are reading it too - and i'm totally ok with that cause hopefully it could either help someone (in some way) or at least give you a good laugh at the mess i am.
but, none-the-less, there are people that read it. so, i'm going to take an opportunity to "market" a little business that my sister and i do for fun, and that is something i enjoy doing to get my mind off of the regular mess that i think about.
DC Baby Love is the name. we make diaper cakes for baby showers/gifts. we have basic options and pricing, but most of what we do ends up being custom (based on a theme/nursery decor/specific colors, etc). if you're interested you can go to dcbabylove.com and check it out. and if you think you know someone that would be interested, then pass the word along. we ship, so even if you live far away we can still work something out.
it's not a business we are doing to make crazy amounts of money, its just something that we enjoy doing. my sister randomly started making them as presents, then people started asking about them, and asking her if she would make them for her, so she decided to make it a small "side job" because there seemed to be some sort of market behind having a creative eye to do something unique like this. i started helping her because i love artsy stuff, and i love letting my mind run with creative thoughts - i think we all know my mind runs constantly in general, so if it can be about something fun and creative i could do it all day long.
so, check it out if you want. i've attached some pics to give you an idea...
but, none-the-less, there are people that read it. so, i'm going to take an opportunity to "market" a little business that my sister and i do for fun, and that is something i enjoy doing to get my mind off of the regular mess that i think about.
DC Baby Love is the name. we make diaper cakes for baby showers/gifts. we have basic options and pricing, but most of what we do ends up being custom (based on a theme/nursery decor/specific colors, etc). if you're interested you can go to dcbabylove.com and check it out. and if you think you know someone that would be interested, then pass the word along. we ship, so even if you live far away we can still work something out.
it's not a business we are doing to make crazy amounts of money, its just something that we enjoy doing. my sister randomly started making them as presents, then people started asking about them, and asking her if she would make them for her, so she decided to make it a small "side job" because there seemed to be some sort of market behind having a creative eye to do something unique like this. i started helping her because i love artsy stuff, and i love letting my mind run with creative thoughts - i think we all know my mind runs constantly in general, so if it can be about something fun and creative i could do it all day long.
so, check it out if you want. i've attached some pics to give you an idea...
Monday, March 15, 2010
2 things that have been bothering me lately...
1- if you you constantly say you're gonna do something, just do it....don't keep coming up with excuses or someone/something else to blame. i'm not saying i'm perfect (obviously i'm not), but if you keep finding ways that things "just don't work for you" or is "too hard", you will never get anywhere and i can't do anything to help you.
2- when you finally start doing something...don't talk all your shit about finally doing it, just to half ass it the entire time. nothing burns me more than knowing that i try to do everything 120% because my mind won't let me do less than that without feeling like i'm letting myself or someone else down. then to sit and watch/listen to someone claim their doing soooooo much when they're just filling themselves with bullshit to make themselves feel better for always coming up with excuses gets really f'n annoying after a while - especially when i've been bustin my ass to figure shit out and work hard to change my life for the better. it makes it seem like you're doing it as a game just because other people are playing...not because you actually want to DO something or get anywhere from it.
and one more thing...back to what i said in an earlier post about people saying "well thats life, and you just have to learn to deal with it"...i call bullshit. there's a difference in being the person willing to sit back and let all the other people saying that determine how things are "supposed to be" for everyone, and then theres people are willing to step up and say they aren't gonna do things "just cause that's how it has always been" or because "thats life" and instead make decisions to live the life THEY want to live.
i've decided i'm going to take the latter approach. it may cause me to butt heads with people and it may be a tough road, but i'm willing to fight those battles in order to say that my life is the way it is because i fought to have it that way...not because "that's just how its supposed to be".
this all probably doesn't make much sense, but i just had to put it out there cause its stuff thats been running through my mind. it makes me sound like a bitch, but too bad. and i'm sure when compared to my situations and decisions, this could sound somewhat hypocritical, but i feel like i can say i fight for what i do and i do whats best for ME and the life I want to live - and honestly i'm at the point of saying "fuck everyone else" for what they expect me to do and the way they expect me to be. i'm sick of how things are just because "that's the way its always been done", or because "it would hurt someone's feelings" if you told them to fucking do something, or listening to "well that would mean i have to go outta my way and actually put in some effort to do something, and i don't wanna do that"...why is anyone surprised at the way things are now...ugh, i can't even think straight right now. i'm just annoyed.
reading over this, it doesn't seem to make much sense at all...but F it, i give up trying to explain.
1- if you you constantly say you're gonna do something, just do it....don't keep coming up with excuses or someone/something else to blame. i'm not saying i'm perfect (obviously i'm not), but if you keep finding ways that things "just don't work for you" or is "too hard", you will never get anywhere and i can't do anything to help you.
2- when you finally start doing something...don't talk all your shit about finally doing it, just to half ass it the entire time. nothing burns me more than knowing that i try to do everything 120% because my mind won't let me do less than that without feeling like i'm letting myself or someone else down. then to sit and watch/listen to someone claim their doing soooooo much when they're just filling themselves with bullshit to make themselves feel better for always coming up with excuses gets really f'n annoying after a while - especially when i've been bustin my ass to figure shit out and work hard to change my life for the better. it makes it seem like you're doing it as a game just because other people are playing...not because you actually want to DO something or get anywhere from it.
and one more thing...back to what i said in an earlier post about people saying "well thats life, and you just have to learn to deal with it"...i call bullshit. there's a difference in being the person willing to sit back and let all the other people saying that determine how things are "supposed to be" for everyone, and then theres people are willing to step up and say they aren't gonna do things "just cause that's how it has always been" or because "thats life" and instead make decisions to live the life THEY want to live.
i've decided i'm going to take the latter approach. it may cause me to butt heads with people and it may be a tough road, but i'm willing to fight those battles in order to say that my life is the way it is because i fought to have it that way...not because "that's just how its supposed to be".
this all probably doesn't make much sense, but i just had to put it out there cause its stuff thats been running through my mind. it makes me sound like a bitch, but too bad. and i'm sure when compared to my situations and decisions, this could sound somewhat hypocritical, but i feel like i can say i fight for what i do and i do whats best for ME and the life I want to live - and honestly i'm at the point of saying "fuck everyone else" for what they expect me to do and the way they expect me to be. i'm sick of how things are just because "that's the way its always been done", or because "it would hurt someone's feelings" if you told them to fucking do something, or listening to "well that would mean i have to go outta my way and actually put in some effort to do something, and i don't wanna do that"...why is anyone surprised at the way things are now...ugh, i can't even think straight right now. i'm just annoyed.
reading over this, it doesn't seem to make much sense at all...but F it, i give up trying to explain.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
i'm the only one lucky enough to work with these deuschbags
yeah, the last post - about the pinging.
i walked to the guys door and said, very calmly i might add "hey, i've really been trying to be patient and ignore it, but would you mind either turning the volume down, or off, so i don't have to listen to the pinging all day?". As i expected, i got a blank "i'm the mafia" stare. little does he know he doesn't scare me.
so, the pinging stopped...and the humming began. yep, he has never sat there and hummed to himself before....that is, until i asked him to stop the pinging. about 10 minutes after he started that i was close to just saying out loud "the humming is much better than the pinging, thank you!". but, before i got to that point, he had turned the volume back on...and the pinging began again.
oh, and, here's a good one - after i had asked him to please stop, he got on the phone, called his boss, and did his "i think we need to have lunch" comment. this is what he does every time he gets upset about something/someone down here. so typical, i told you he would want to tattle.
only i am lucky enough to deal with these idiots. but i've decided that if it keeps on going, specifically because i have kindly asked him to stop and there is no reason for him to have the volume on anyhow (let alone that there's no reason for him to be playing games all day), i'm gonna go to our manager. yes, that's tattling, but i don't care cause that fucker thinks he owns the world, but i beg to differ.
i walked to the guys door and said, very calmly i might add "hey, i've really been trying to be patient and ignore it, but would you mind either turning the volume down, or off, so i don't have to listen to the pinging all day?". As i expected, i got a blank "i'm the mafia" stare. little does he know he doesn't scare me.
so, the pinging stopped...and the humming began. yep, he has never sat there and hummed to himself before....that is, until i asked him to stop the pinging. about 10 minutes after he started that i was close to just saying out loud "the humming is much better than the pinging, thank you!". but, before i got to that point, he had turned the volume back on...and the pinging began again.
oh, and, here's a good one - after i had asked him to please stop, he got on the phone, called his boss, and did his "i think we need to have lunch" comment. this is what he does every time he gets upset about something/someone down here. so typical, i told you he would want to tattle.
only i am lucky enough to deal with these idiots. but i've decided that if it keeps on going, specifically because i have kindly asked him to stop and there is no reason for him to have the volume on anyhow (let alone that there's no reason for him to be playing games all day), i'm gonna go to our manager. yes, that's tattling, but i don't care cause that fucker thinks he owns the world, but i beg to differ.
i need your opinion, please
i need your opinion on something...
the guy that sits in the office next to me, who usually stares out the window, now sits there all day long and plays some game on his computer that constantly pings. and i mean all day, and constantly pinging, ping, ping, ping, ping.
so, when he used to sit and stare out the window, it bothered the shit outta me, but ultimately it didn't "affect" me. but now, i can't take the pinging. he won't do it if one of our site managers are in the trailer, but the rest of the time its ping, ping, ping, ping, ping etc etc.
what i really want to do is make a comment that kills 2 birds with one stone. the comment i have in mind is "you know, if you turn the volume off, then people won't know that you're sitting there playing a game all day". one of the birds is to get him to turn the volume off so i don't have to listen to it anymore. the second bird is to make my point that i know he sits there and does nothing all day long.
so, any opinion? not that i usually care, but is it too confrontational to say that to him? he hates me already cause he knows i'll call him out on his bullshit, so he doesn't even act like i'm alive. so its not like i'd be severing a friendship or anything. i just know he'll go running to tattle on me - or maybe he won't cause he'll have to tell someone that i was calling him out for playing a game all day long....
i really want to say something, but at the same time i know he's not worth my time, let alone the breaths i would be taking to say something to him. i just don't want to listen to the pinging anymore. i guess i could say something to my manager, but that would just be tattling, and i prefer to be straight forward and go straight to the source to give them the opportunity to change on their own....but i know he won't.
please, opinion?
the guy that sits in the office next to me, who usually stares out the window, now sits there all day long and plays some game on his computer that constantly pings. and i mean all day, and constantly pinging, ping, ping, ping, ping.
so, when he used to sit and stare out the window, it bothered the shit outta me, but ultimately it didn't "affect" me. but now, i can't take the pinging. he won't do it if one of our site managers are in the trailer, but the rest of the time its ping, ping, ping, ping, ping etc etc.
what i really want to do is make a comment that kills 2 birds with one stone. the comment i have in mind is "you know, if you turn the volume off, then people won't know that you're sitting there playing a game all day". one of the birds is to get him to turn the volume off so i don't have to listen to it anymore. the second bird is to make my point that i know he sits there and does nothing all day long.
so, any opinion? not that i usually care, but is it too confrontational to say that to him? he hates me already cause he knows i'll call him out on his bullshit, so he doesn't even act like i'm alive. so its not like i'd be severing a friendship or anything. i just know he'll go running to tattle on me - or maybe he won't cause he'll have to tell someone that i was calling him out for playing a game all day long....
i really want to say something, but at the same time i know he's not worth my time, let alone the breaths i would be taking to say something to him. i just don't want to listen to the pinging anymore. i guess i could say something to my manager, but that would just be tattling, and i prefer to be straight forward and go straight to the source to give them the opportunity to change on their own....but i know he won't.
please, opinion?
Friday, March 5, 2010
wow, the littlest things give me an overwhelming feeling again...
so, i've been feeling good, but within the last 2 hours i've suddenly got the overwhelming and heavy chest feeling again. and i feel like it's because i'm doing something important for the job here at the bridge (an estimate, where all the numbers have to be right and you can't mess up, otherwise you have to jump through numerous hoops and headaches to fix it). i feel like a huge weight is on my shoulders and if i mess up the world will end, even though i know i'm being careful and thurough - cause i already caught some mistakes that my manager did. i don't know why i feel like this. i never got anxious over stuff like this until recently cause it's what i do, and i know i do it well...but for some reason i feel like i'm gonna mess it up and get in trouble and cause problems for someone else.
ugh. so, i took some anti anxiety stuff in hopes i don't freak out today. again, so weird and frustrating.
ugh. so, i took some anti anxiety stuff in hopes i don't freak out today. again, so weird and frustrating.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
a better week
it's actually turned out to be a better week. i've felt more relaxed about things. i've gotten a lot done here at the bridge. i've even been asked to go back to the office to help on the job that they dropped the ball on, but i feel ok about it just because i feel like i got a lot done here, so one day won't kill me. but, the thing that's different about helping them this time is that i told them i'll get to it when i get to it because there were things i had to finish at the bridge that was a higher priority - and i didn't budge, so i will do it when i feel comfortable with my work here - and i don't feel bad thinking that way.
and nick and i are doing good. i'm trying to be better about things. getting back into my regular workout schedule has helped a lot also. i actually feel really good about working out lately cause the trainer at the gym always tells me how impressed he is with me and that i am by far the most improved and have shown the most results since he has opened his gym last september. that makes me feel good because i feel like i try my hardest. he even said that someone asked him who he thought the best athlete was in the "box" (that's what crossfit calls their gyms, cause literally they are just a box, like an open office space in some random spot), and he said that i immediatly came to his mind because even though i may not be the best at everything, he considers me a great athlete because i work really hard and try to do better than before, i show persistence and determination, and i have great results from it. and it feels good knowing that someone sees that, especially over all of the "meatheads" that throw around hundreds of pounds like its a ragdoll. and i can tell that he enjoys training me because he feels as much accomplishment helping me get to my goals as i do achieving them. he's always very supportive, never demanding, and always reminds me why i'm there. i don't know - i guess it just feels good to toot my own horn cause i know i've been working so hard for this, and to know that someone who does this day in and day out with all different types of people/athletes appreciates my efforts just makes me feel good about it.
i know this post is drastically different than the one from a last week, or a couple weeks ago, whenver it was that i felt like i sucked at life. i wish i could just feel this way all the time and not have to worry about possibly falling into a deep hole. and honestly, when i am in that deep hole, i think about these times that i know i'm doing well and that i know i've gotten somewhere, but for some reason it just doesn't seem to help. it's so weird. it's so frustrating. that a bad and uncontrollable feeling can cause so much havoc in my life, and then in the matter of a week i can feel like i'm doing so well. ugh, i would love to just be normal.
but anyhow. so, like i said, nick and i are doing much better. much more relaxed. having fun, being stupid. we've even set up a "hot date" for the weekend - the Maryland home and garden show and then dinner at Phillips seafood....yeesssss! i know it's not really a "hot date", but it's an "us" date...and "us" dates are always good.
and nick and i are doing good. i'm trying to be better about things. getting back into my regular workout schedule has helped a lot also. i actually feel really good about working out lately cause the trainer at the gym always tells me how impressed he is with me and that i am by far the most improved and have shown the most results since he has opened his gym last september. that makes me feel good because i feel like i try my hardest. he even said that someone asked him who he thought the best athlete was in the "box" (that's what crossfit calls their gyms, cause literally they are just a box, like an open office space in some random spot), and he said that i immediatly came to his mind because even though i may not be the best at everything, he considers me a great athlete because i work really hard and try to do better than before, i show persistence and determination, and i have great results from it. and it feels good knowing that someone sees that, especially over all of the "meatheads" that throw around hundreds of pounds like its a ragdoll. and i can tell that he enjoys training me because he feels as much accomplishment helping me get to my goals as i do achieving them. he's always very supportive, never demanding, and always reminds me why i'm there. i don't know - i guess it just feels good to toot my own horn cause i know i've been working so hard for this, and to know that someone who does this day in and day out with all different types of people/athletes appreciates my efforts just makes me feel good about it.
i know this post is drastically different than the one from a last week, or a couple weeks ago, whenver it was that i felt like i sucked at life. i wish i could just feel this way all the time and not have to worry about possibly falling into a deep hole. and honestly, when i am in that deep hole, i think about these times that i know i'm doing well and that i know i've gotten somewhere, but for some reason it just doesn't seem to help. it's so weird. it's so frustrating. that a bad and uncontrollable feeling can cause so much havoc in my life, and then in the matter of a week i can feel like i'm doing so well. ugh, i would love to just be normal.
but anyhow. so, like i said, nick and i are doing much better. much more relaxed. having fun, being stupid. we've even set up a "hot date" for the weekend - the Maryland home and garden show and then dinner at Phillips seafood....yeesssss! i know it's not really a "hot date", but it's an "us" date...and "us" dates are always good.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
one more thing..
and, to follow my last post....
i am now sitting in my office listening to the guy in the next office snore - not the window watcher, but the office on the other side of me. really loud. like the muffled, can't breath snoring. i just walked by his office and noticed that he even turned the lights off. of course, you can't get your beauty rest with the lights on, duh!
i hate it. so much. and i'm not allowed to say anything about it. i've told my bosses, but they tell me to leave it alone.
UGH!
i am now sitting in my office listening to the guy in the next office snore - not the window watcher, but the office on the other side of me. really loud. like the muffled, can't breath snoring. i just walked by his office and noticed that he even turned the lights off. of course, you can't get your beauty rest with the lights on, duh!
i hate it. so much. and i'm not allowed to say anything about it. i've told my bosses, but they tell me to leave it alone.
UGH!
i don't understand
i just went to subway for lunch. i was sitting there, and i overheard a conversation that a couple of guys were having not too far from me. it went like this:
"hey man, what's up? what have you been up to?"
"aw, nothing. working. or at least trying to look like i'm working so i get paid, but just looking busy and really not doing anything. it's good to get paid to do nothing."
seriously! ugh! i think this is why i hate to love my job. i work hard, i try to do the right thing...and then there are people like this that fly under the radar - doing nothing - yet getting paid for it. and they are perfectly ok with it. i, on the other hand, get the opposite feeling. i feel like if i'm not doing something then i'm not right, or i'm not working hard enough and i stress myself out over it. i know i said i don't want to go above and beyond anymore, and that i want to be a regular employee - but as much as i say that, there's no way i'm gonna back down from doing extra stuff, cause i just feel weird if i'm not busy, and i'm a sucker to do what i can to help everyone else. i love being busy, but i hate that it overwhelms me. i wish i could find a balance.
i'm just amazed that people can be ok with themselves and feel like they are perfectly fine doing nothing. like the guy that sits in the office next to me and stares out the window all day long - AND then comes in for overtime on saturdays to do the same thing. i just don't get it.
i should start my own business that goes to places and sneakily (is that a word?) follow people and monitor them to see if they are actually doing anything. and then getting rid of the slackers so that people who truely want to work and be efficient can have a job and it would help take the stress off of other people who have to pick up the slack.
UGH. makes me sick. i'm glad my parents raised me better.
"hey man, what's up? what have you been up to?"
"aw, nothing. working. or at least trying to look like i'm working so i get paid, but just looking busy and really not doing anything. it's good to get paid to do nothing."
seriously! ugh! i think this is why i hate to love my job. i work hard, i try to do the right thing...and then there are people like this that fly under the radar - doing nothing - yet getting paid for it. and they are perfectly ok with it. i, on the other hand, get the opposite feeling. i feel like if i'm not doing something then i'm not right, or i'm not working hard enough and i stress myself out over it. i know i said i don't want to go above and beyond anymore, and that i want to be a regular employee - but as much as i say that, there's no way i'm gonna back down from doing extra stuff, cause i just feel weird if i'm not busy, and i'm a sucker to do what i can to help everyone else. i love being busy, but i hate that it overwhelms me. i wish i could find a balance.
i'm just amazed that people can be ok with themselves and feel like they are perfectly fine doing nothing. like the guy that sits in the office next to me and stares out the window all day long - AND then comes in for overtime on saturdays to do the same thing. i just don't get it.
i should start my own business that goes to places and sneakily (is that a word?) follow people and monitor them to see if they are actually doing anything. and then getting rid of the slackers so that people who truely want to work and be efficient can have a job and it would help take the stress off of other people who have to pick up the slack.
UGH. makes me sick. i'm glad my parents raised me better.
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