a better week

it's actually turned out to be a better week. i've felt more relaxed about things. i've gotten a lot done here at the bridge. i've even been asked to go back to the office to help on the job that they dropped the ball on, but i feel ok about it just because i feel like i got a lot done here, so one day won't kill me. but, the thing that's different about helping them this time is that i told them i'll get to it when i get to it because there were things i had to finish at the bridge that was a higher priority - and i didn't budge, so i will do it when i feel comfortable with my work here - and i don't feel bad thinking that way.

and nick and i are doing good. i'm trying to be better about things. getting back into my regular workout schedule has helped a lot also. i actually feel really good about working out lately cause the trainer at the gym always tells me how impressed he is with me and that i am by far the most improved and have shown the most results since he has opened his gym last september. that makes me feel good because i feel like i try my hardest. he even said that someone asked him who he thought the best athlete was in the "box" (that's what crossfit calls their gyms, cause literally they are just a box, like an open office space in some random spot), and he said that i immediatly came to his mind because even though i may not be the best at everything, he considers me a great athlete because i work really hard and try to do better than before, i show persistence and determination, and i have great results from it. and it feels good knowing that someone sees that, especially over all of the "meatheads" that throw around hundreds of pounds like its a ragdoll. and i can tell that he enjoys training me because he feels as much accomplishment helping me get to my goals as i do achieving them. he's always very supportive, never demanding, and always reminds me why i'm there. i don't know - i guess it just feels good to toot my own horn cause i know i've been working so hard for this, and to know that someone who does this day in and day out with all different types of people/athletes appreciates my efforts just makes me feel good about it.

i know this post is drastically different than the one from a last week, or a couple weeks ago, whenver it was that i felt like i sucked at life. i wish i could just feel this way all the time and not have to worry about possibly falling into a deep hole. and honestly, when i am in that deep hole, i think about these times that i know i'm doing well and that i know i've gotten somewhere, but for some reason it just doesn't seem to help. it's so weird. it's so frustrating. that a bad and uncontrollable feeling can cause so much havoc in my life, and then in the matter of a week i can feel like i'm doing so well. ugh, i would love to just be normal.

but anyhow. so, like i said, nick and i are doing much better. much more relaxed. having fun, being stupid. we've even set up a "hot date" for the weekend - the Maryland home and garden show and then dinner at Phillips seafood....yeesssss! i know it's not really a "hot date", but it's an "us" date...and "us" dates are always good.