2 things that have been bothering me lately...

1- if you you constantly say you're gonna do something, just do it....don't keep coming up with excuses or someone/something else to blame. i'm not saying i'm perfect (obviously i'm not), but if you keep finding ways that things "just don't work for you" or is "too hard", you will never get anywhere and i can't do anything to help you.

2- when you finally start doing something...don't talk all your shit about finally doing it, just to half ass it the entire time. nothing burns me more than knowing that i try to do everything 120% because my mind won't let me do less than that without feeling like i'm letting myself or someone else down. then to sit and watch/listen to someone claim their doing soooooo much when they're just filling themselves with bullshit to make themselves feel better for always coming up with excuses gets really f'n annoying after a while - especially when i've been bustin my ass to figure shit out and work hard to change my life for the better. it makes it seem like you're doing it as a game just because other people are playing...not because you actually want to DO something or get anywhere from it.


and one more thing...back to what i said in an earlier post about people saying "well thats life, and you just have to learn to deal with it"...i call bullshit. there's a difference in being the person willing to sit back and let all the other people saying that determine how things are "supposed to be" for everyone, and then theres people are willing to step up and say they aren't gonna do things "just cause that's how it has always been" or because "thats life" and instead make decisions to live the life THEY want to live.

i've decided i'm going to take the latter approach. it may cause me to butt heads with people and it may be a tough road, but i'm willing to fight those battles in order to say that my life is the way it is because i fought to have it that way...not because "that's just how its supposed to be".


this all probably doesn't make much sense, but i just had to put it out there cause its stuff thats been running through my mind. it makes me sound like a bitch, but too bad. and i'm sure when compared to my situations and decisions, this could sound somewhat hypocritical, but i feel like i can say i fight for what i do and i do whats best for ME and the life I want to live - and honestly i'm at the point of saying "fuck everyone else" for what they expect me to do and the way they expect me to be. i'm sick of how things are just because "that's the way its always been done", or because "it would hurt someone's feelings" if you told them to fucking do something, or listening to "well that would mean i have to go outta my way and actually put in some effort to do something, and i don't wanna do that"...why is anyone surprised at the way things are now...ugh, i can't even think straight right now. i'm just annoyed.

reading over this, it doesn't seem to make much sense at all...but F it, i give up trying to explain.