impatient

i don't know why, but I've found myself a little impatient lately. don't know if it's cause i'm nervous, anxious, bored....not sure.
i think it's a safe bet to say that's it's about all this med stuff and the thought of drastically changing it. i'm nervous cause i don't know how i'm going to react. i don't know if i'm going to totally lose it, or if i might have random moents here and there that i have to get through...but it's very unnerving to not know. i ended up asking my doc for just a general schedule of the tapering so that i can have an idea of the time frame regardless of when i start it. i'm thinking that i might actually start it at the beginning of Nov cause i know i will have guarunteed days off for the holidays, so that's potentially less days i would have to take off. also, it would be better for my mom, cause she said that she would come up here to help out nick in case it gets bad, cause i know he can only take some much of it. and another reason is cause i just want to get it over with.
i was going to put it off till after the winter, so that i could maybe get a seasonal job to earn some extra cash, just because. nick and i are doing well with paying off our debt, so i'm kinda scared about what type of setback we might have with me changing everything. if i have to take days without pay, it's a pretty decent hit, especially if they add up.
so, i'm impatiently waiting for my doc to send me the schedule. cause then i have to talk to my bosses about it so that they can be prepared in case i have to miss a lot of work. and to let my mom get prepared cause it might be a couple months of this crap. and also to get myself and nick prepared cause this could go well, or it could be hell...no way to tell.
i can say that luckily, so far, i have not had to be hospitalized, so i'm hoping i can keep it together enough to not worry about that. but there's part of me that does worry, because i know before i have had moments of feeling like i might need to go...but i end up just constantly taking some chill pills so i can just sleep through it.
i don't know...gotta just deal with the bad of it to get to the good of it...i think it's worth it, just really scared.