Maybe this can help with my new priorities, new perspective, and constant battle of settling my mind...

So, I'm gonna try this out. Maybe it will take all the thoughts that race through my head and help me settle a bit. I doubt I will be able to get it all in tonight, but there's no better time to start than now cause i can't sleep.

I'm Bipolar. After everything I've gone through, and all the doctors and therapists visits, this is what I have been able to figure out.....
I had random moments of breakdowns, anger, fights, depression, etc starting when I was in high school. Nothing was ever thought of them because it wasn't a constant issue or anything that raised an eyebrow of concern. I went to college, started feeling more depressed and having the angry moments more often. I was very dependent upon my parents and my boyfriend at the time. It was good to have freedom, but I always felt like I had to have someone else. My parents were def always there, but my boyfriend eventually couldn't handle it anymore. During this entire time, there was never any thought of my actions being a "disorder". It was just thought to be the tough times of growing up and dealing with the real world. By the end of Sophomore year, it was just down right bad. I would get angry at someone for almost no reason at all, I would stay in bed just because I felt like there was no reason to get out, I would yell at anyone for anything, I was just plain angry and unhappy with life. During Xmas vacation I got in severe fights with my family and this led them to begging me to go see a therapist. And finally, because I just didn't know why I was getting so upset all the time, I went to see someone. Nothing was really determined then, except that I def needed to continue therapy. I went back to school and started going to the counseling center on campus. After only a few sessions with grad student therapists, and then one session with an actual Psychologist, I was diagnosed Bipolar. I didn't really know how to take it at the time because I was basically trying to unnderstand that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that caused me to have very high highs and very low lows and that it wasn't an easy fix. During this time I had a job at a bar, and I loved it, but then things started to get aggitating and eventually so overwhelming that I just walked out one night. I was in school for architecture, my grades weren't great, but I loved the work I had to do...my problem was motivating myself to do it and not getting down on myself about stuff. I was also playing volleyball at the time, and that as well took a hit. I started gaining weight, pulling myself away from everyone and everything I knew because I didn't know what everyone thought about me and I figured if I didn't get out and associate with anyone then I didn't have to worry about getting hurt or upset about any BS stuff that went on.
Ok, this is gonna have to be continued. Not because I think I can finally get to sleep, but instead because I just can't concentrate to get it all out right now...so, to be cont....